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Showing posts with the label PAINShow all
DEPRESSION : Road to Recovery Part 2
This is my attempt, to understand and share what I am going through, hoping that in the process of recovery, I might just be able to reach those who are in the same path, and heal together. Here's the link to PART 1. Thank you for being here. . . Depression doesn't just happen #41 Depression by Bored Panda's Depression Through Art In most cases, you won't even notice that you're depressed until it takes your life literally, and figuratively. It gradually tries to kill you. Just like the tale of the frog : he'…
DEPRESSION : Road to Recovery Part 1
This is my attempt, to understand and share what I am going through, hoping that in the process of recovery, I might just be able to reach those who are in the same path, and heal together. Thank you for being here. -------------------------------------------------------- Here I am, writing from my hospital bed at 2:51PM, day 02 of x. This is the last place I thought I'd be, and it has never occurred to me that I'd be suitable prey to what has killed many before me. How I wish I wrote this sooner. How I wish I went through this…
Cold Brew
The coffee's getting cold and I'm getting a little too old for melancholic musings, but here I am, breaking the chain of not blogging because my time is consumed mostly by vaguely essential cut through's. I remember how vibrant my dreams were some years ago. . . Even before the dawn of artsy photos of journals, books and coffee, I already saw myself right there at the corner of the cafe by the window pane, mindlessly writing about well kept memories on my journal, right across an earthy mug of iced vanilla caramel macchiato,…
She's Dying A Little
Hello, it's me. I was wondering what happened to the girl who used to be. . . Her heart was bold and brave, though fragile Her heart was bright and happy, though heavy Her heart was slow to anger, though quick to feel the pain Her heart was fierce to love, though sometimes weary Hello, it's me. I was wondering what has become of the girl who used to be. . . Her dreams were not impossible - it just had to happen in His time Her dreams were vibrant and out of the ordinary Her dreams were only beautiful to eyes who believed in her H…
#154: When God Seems Distant
It's not always a heavenly, joyful feeling. It's not always overflowing, or beautiful. There are ups and downs, just like the relationships we have. The only difference is this - He is perfect, and I am not. His love never runs out on me. For a while, I struggled with getting back on my feet again because of how seemingly busy and fast the pacing of events has transpired. It feels as if God is so distant. I pray, but I don't feel Him. I pray some more, but I still don't. It eventually came to the point where I couldn'…
#152 : What are you worth?
It's often tempting to question our worth based on how people treat us, the gifts they give, the gestures they do, the things they say. Perhaps, this is the aftermath of a series of unfortunate events that made us doubt our worth, because the world was too cruel to allow the most genuine, and loving hearts to be broken. The aftermath, is where we have a tighter grip on self-made standards. The aftermath, is where we build walls so thick and so high that we are almost unreachable. The aftermath, is a pruning process without a specifi…
Day 148 : While I'm Waiting
Slowly counting the days. . . While I'm waiting, I keep praying While I'm waiting, the Lord strengthens my heart. While I'm waiting, I am being refined and polished. -------------------------- I once took that leap of faith and yet everything did not go as expected, and it scares me a little to give it another try. It's inevitable to feel scared, but my thoughts are at peace knowing that God perfectly planned everything to take me where I am now. The frustration, the unmet expectations, the phase where I struggled …
Day 141 : The Remedy for Busy Thoughts
Backtrack : Mid-December I will quiet you with my love. - Zephaniah 3:17 I thought I had it all figured out. I've never been this strained with the noise of my thoughts. I know the signs, I see it clearly : There is unnecessary stress, emotions that shouldn't be triggered, and it sometimes chokes me to tears. I'm one that feels deeply, when it comes to the things I am most passionate about; when it comes to the little things that bring me joy; when it comes to the people I love; when it comes to the things that matte…
Half Past Seasons
I am not the grand display of fireworks on New Year's eve. I am the string of lights, the centerpiece of a candlelit dinner, the stars scattered across the lifeless sky I am not the passion of February's kiss, I am the gentle whisper on your ear before dawn, the alluring hum of a precious lullaby I am not the waves that strike a wild adventure, I am golden sunshine etching summer on your skin, the infinite grains of sand holding the blue, the vast I am not the darkness of cold winter's good bye, I am the warmth of toda…
Day 123 : Begin Again
I've been constantly deleting drafts for the past few days until today, when everything finally made sense. It's definitely not a coincidence - the date today, the birth of ideas and specific plans, the sudden prompt to fill in the pages of my journal with my soul && of course, OSTs of "Begin Again" that's been playing over and over since I-do-not-remember-when-anymore. Patching up the pieces, today's simply right. The 9th of September last year, was day 40 of my "Purpose Driven Life" journey…
The Wall
It strikes like lightning. And then you feel the thickening pain rising from your chest to your throat. You start to breathe a little faster, you try to fight it - you try to hold back, until you can hardly breathe anymore. Without blinking, your tears start to fall. You try catching the pace of your heart, and every breath becomes a struggle. Once they collide - your tears endlessly fall, you close your eyes, hoping that your mind could hear the faintest cry of your heart, so you could still be saved. But here…
Day 98 : About Love, About Time
I came across this poster while browsing through posts in tumblr. Without second thought, I felt the need to write. . . write about love. Since my last post is also about love, I might as well continue the trend. Like Tim, for me it's always going to be about love. From the moment my mother first laid her eyes on me, to how she tearfully smiled when she first saw me smile; the meals she lovingly prepares for us; how she patiently taught me well throughout these years and how she stood by me in times of failure and success - that…
How I Was Rescued When I Almost Died
In my darkest, pain-filled days in the past, one of the things that helped me through was this post. It wasn't a coincidence that I stumbled upon this blog post, I'm sure it's what I had to read that very moment I felt like dying. It was a terrible phase, a very horrible one. But He has rescued me. This photo perfectly captures everything. I remember crying hard when I first read this, and everytime I do - my tears start to fall. I always look back at this post, at times I feel distant. It's what always pulls me bac…
The Things We Fear About Love
I'd like to think that there two types of fears : the fear of something that might happen to us for the first time and the fear of something happening on repeat. The first is quite triggered by our peers, media, the things we see around us, like having this fear of snakes because of Anaconda or the thought of being paralyzed to death; or this fear of cliff diving because of "Final Destination" scenarios that could possibly happen like hitting a rock or landing the wrong way. When it comes to love, what are the usual things we f…
Day 96 : Losing Intimacy
Facebook, twitter, instagram, messaging platforms, anything online - form a world of its own. It's a space where humans create a replica of themselves that interact with one another. It's an extension of the mind and heart that either masks or unfolds secrets and whereabouts. It is both a caged territory and a vast land. It is both a blessing and a curse. When did looking down on screens become better than free flowing conversations? We sometimes have this habit of checking our phones for no reason, but being locked in it for more…
Hello, from THE Moon
For a moment I thought, it would nice to be a star. But then I realized I wanted to be the moon, and it could be lovely. Perhaps now is the best time to write. Write about an imagery that constantly beams like sunlight. When you look at the sky, and the stars are altogether shining, it would be amazing, right? The mere view of a breathtaking constellation, like a bed of shining diamonds, would be surreal. It won't be the same, if there is only one star, that is struggling to fight for its own bright light whether or not the sky is c…
Her Smile
She is tossed away by warm mist, swept away by dazzling light, enthralled by the music that plays in the stillness of a wonderful night Her eyes start to glimmer, gazing upon those dark brown eyes Her smile reaches the stars, it makes them shine the brightest She takes the dance along the aisle of bursting crystals all aglow She smiles at this enchantment, that sets her heart on fire Her most genuine smiles have come alive tonight, Let it linger, let it leave a mark in the sky of …
Small Talk #006 : East and West
Maybe we could be beautiful, like the sky and stars colliding, Oh but I am day, and you are night I feel the warmth of your light that resonates from blurred pictures of you on my mind It makes me anxious to think of when and how our paths will cross Oh, but what if we've met already? Your voice echoes like a beautiful melody that plays in the silence of my thoughts, alone Perhaps we are captives of time and space, tied with the sweet agony of waiting I ache for you when we are apart though we had…
Time and Space
Underneath the skies marked with dazzling lights aglow, you and me, we sparkle - we, shine. If time has a space for us our flame will burn the brightest Perhaps this vision of reality would break the barrier of time and space from thought Perhaps time and space is the only thing that holds us to where we are now Perhaps time and space will make our paths cross And underneath the skies marked with dazzling lights aglow, you and me, we - slowly dance to the rhythm of our hearts And you could love me mo…
Memoires
Today I gathered every piece of memory of you and me, underneath the stars. I can't say it's the best, because behind every smile and laugh is a void in my heart knowing that you aren't mine. I miss every step we made that drew us closer, but I do not want to remember how much it hurts to be given a glimpse of your heart, that does not have me in it. I could replay every moment we had, over and over, to make myself smile. Because once upon a time you happened. But When I do, it might only bring back every trace of longing, …
I'm a single mom who was once dead to depression but now alive in Christ. My mother named me "BEA PATRICIA", and I will spend the rest of my life living by what it means : "voyager, bringer of joy; noble", for the Lord says "I have called you by name, you are mine". It is my life's purpose to make Him known and my heart's desire to share to the world how His Wonder can be pursued in life's seasons, moments, and soulful spaces. || Walk in faith, walk in Wonder.
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