March 6th. 3'O-something in the morning.  Still being burdened by my guilt and shame, still being pierced by my failures ----- I asked the Lord to give me His Word for me.....  (I've been reading from my digital bible for the longest time, and it's the first time I opened my physical bible and voila! ISAIAH ONE.) At first I thought it was too heavy to bear because it talks about the unfaithfulness of Israel, and the many warnings...  15 was too painful to see, and it is something I cannot bear "when you spread out your hands, …

How do you deal with a relapse?

The hardest part of the journey to recovery is the relapse. It's expected, but the worst of its kind usually happens without warning, and IS the most draining.  What happens during a relapse? It's not the same for everyone, but I'm very much certain that it looks like an arduous casting of your own demons in one...big...blow.  Sure, the months leading to the relapse had slow and painful piercings once in a while, but since you've worked so hard to recover - you assume it's part of the highs and lows. And that's okay, …

How do you know you're good enough?

I can't count how many times I've gone on and off blogging. I do write, but mostly on my journal because my thoughts are in a constant spiral and I just couldn't make more time to gift-wrap it in a blog post. I don't even know if people still read blogs, I don't even know if my old blog friends are still blog hopping like I used to, and I don't even know if this digital mumbling makes sense.  All I know is that once upon a time, I used to be so free-spirited, that it was easy to just "FLOW". I didn't mind …

Healing Our 15 Why's

I was on hiatus for the longest time, and now I'm here again ... finally ready to tell YOU my story, because you're here. Whether you're just curious or looking for answers; an old friend wondering how I am, or a stranger that's here by no accident; someone still waiting, still hurting, still dreaming, still loving, still trying... don't give up just yet. Joy in Spring | Coffee Project | February 2020 You see, we are all trees weathering through tough and blissful seasons. We are the way we are now because of  where w…

DEPRESSION : Road to Recovery Part 1

This is my attempt, to understand and share what I am going through, hoping that in the process of recovery, I might just be able to reach those who are in the same path, and heal together. Thank you for being here.  -------------------------------------------------------- Here I am, writing from my hospital bed at 2:51PM, day 02 of x. This is the last place I thought I'd be, and it has never occurred to me that I'd be suitable prey to what has killed many before me. How I wish I wrote this sooner. How I wish I went through this…