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Showing posts with the label DAUGHTERShow all
#163 : Half Slippers
She was a few steps ahead of me when I looked down and noticed how she wore her sneakers like half slippers. Her feet are surely tired and swollen. Half slippers. Half slippers. . . It's a vivid memory. . . the day we drove to the North to explore this new Ayala Mall - Trinoma. She bought three pairs of Keds that were matchy (islet white for her, nude beige for me, and bright pink for my sister) We were all so happy, not because we bought new shoes, but because we had "matching" pair of shoes. It was kind of a symbol of…
#154: When God Seems Distant
It's not always a heavenly, joyful feeling. It's not always overflowing, or beautiful. There are ups and downs, just like the relationships we have. The only difference is this - He is perfect, and I am not. His love never runs out on me. For a while, I struggled with getting back on my feet again because of how seemingly busy and fast the pacing of events has transpired. It feels as if God is so distant. I pray, but I don't feel Him. I pray some more, but I still don't. It eventually came to the point where I couldn'…
#152 : What are you worth?
It's often tempting to question our worth based on how people treat us, the gifts they give, the gestures they do, the things they say. Perhaps, this is the aftermath of a series of unfortunate events that made us doubt our worth, because the world was too cruel to allow the most genuine, and loving hearts to be broken. The aftermath, is where we have a tighter grip on self-made standards. The aftermath, is where we build walls so thick and so high that we are almost unreachable. The aftermath, is a pruning process without a specifi…
Day 148 : While I'm Waiting
Slowly counting the days. . . While I'm waiting, I keep praying While I'm waiting, the Lord strengthens my heart. While I'm waiting, I am being refined and polished. -------------------------- I once took that leap of faith and yet everything did not go as expected, and it scares me a little to give it another try. It's inevitable to feel scared, but my thoughts are at peace knowing that God perfectly planned everything to take me where I am now. The frustration, the unmet expectations, the phase where I struggled …
Day 147 : Who Am I?
I was once a girl who used to write because of - dreams long- yearned for but have not yet come to pass, unwritten songs and left over poetry, how the world is treating her and how she thinks of the world, bewildering images of her fears, worries and doubts, scattered thoughts and a flight of emotions, so many questions, and unanswered prayers, how circumstances are at the moment, what she sees lacking, what she thinks should be, scars and fragments of a painful past Through God's grace, I am learning, I am growing, to be more …
Don't Let The World Change You
Watercolor painting by P.Bactad Don't let the world change you - how your dreams breathe life to your soul, how beauty of simple joys fill your heart, how your smile has no traces of disbelief Don't let the world change you - how tender and warm your heart is, how pure and genuine you love, how selflessly you always give Don't let the world change you - how you always see the good in people, how wholeheartedly you trust, how strong your faith and hope in love is Don't let …
Day 133 : Unwrapping Gifts
This might be a long story, but let me start with this quote that basically sums up this post : So often we throw things away because it is not what we want, when we want it. Cherish what God gives you. The true gift may not be in sight immediately, just trust in God for revealing it..... in His time. (Nannette Moses) I was raised by a very loving and affectionate family where hugs and kisses were an essential part of our lives. Being the first girl of the family, everyone was very fond of me - I was their princess, and everyone wanted t…
Lowering your expectations doesn't mean lowering your standards.
To myself. . . Dear sister in Christ. . . My dearest (future) daughter. . . Lowering your expectations doesn't mean lowering your standards. Expectations, when unmet - leaves you disappointed, frustrated, to the point that you start questioning your worth. Standards, when unmet - increases your patience to wait on what would not fall short of what you know you deserve. Expectations are most often superficial, a shallow surface, external and worldly. Standards look past superficial aspects, focus on what is essential, and are based …
Day 118 : Countdown #04 - Mother and Daughter
I would have loved posting a clearer photo of her that captures her smile, or laugh, or her natural deep set eyes. . . but as much as I'd want to share it to the world, some treasures are best held closely and preserved. She likes it that way... so here's rather a blurry glimpse of our queen, The epitome of grace, and selfless love, in my life. Let me share a piece of her by doing what I love best. I had her all to myself this afternoon : snuggling in cold sheets, hearing her laugh and seeing her smile, as I endlessly kept …
Love Notes #06 : Daydream
Breakfast. 10.06. I am thrilled by the thought, and desire most ardently, to get a glimpse of your face, to see you right in front of me How you'd curve your lips to smile, how you sound like when you laugh, how you would look deeply at me, with eyes of love, drawing me closer Marvel at how you breathe - oh but, would you even breathe? the same air I take in, when you are perfect, and not of even this world? Will I faint in awe, will I smile in tears? Will I lose myself in you, will I still breathe? …
Love Notes #05 : Weak
My flesh is weak. I can feel the surge of heat burning from my head to my toes All I can see is a blurry vision of things around me. My eyes are better of closed. I can barely move. I feel a heavy weight on my chest, that locks me into place. I feel the swelling, the flush of pain through my veins. I am silenced by these thorns on my throat, that leave me with a hard-breathed sigh. I am weak, Lord I am weak. But you are my strength. You are my healer. You are my savior. You are renewing my body, you are revivin…
Love Notes #04 : Certain
She was uncertain with brokenness, of her worth, of the value of her love, of the value her heart, of the value of herself But His Word, His Promises, His love - that washed away all uncertainties - is certain, and stands firm until the end of time He made her certain, with love. . . of how He made her as a woman after His own heart, and who is more precious than jewels, that her love would not be wasted, but purified if she seeks Him, who is Love, first He made her certain, with love. . . that He has made her heart…
Love Notes #03: Remembering
In my coldest days, you clothed me with your warmest embrace - I remember that moment, when I fell on my knees, and bent over, in tears, my face covered in dirt Straying away from you- a while seemed forever that, calling out your name, felt like the first time Oh Jesus, I could not forget. . . how you took every broken piece of me, and wiped my tears away how you gazed at me with eyes of love that pierced through my soul how you gently breathed hope, peace and life, to my…
Love Note #02 : Trust
09.23. I trust you Lord everyday, even at times I feel - down, hurt, and crushed, because of circumstances, to the point that I want to be - numb, hardened, and cold But I still will keep trusting you, even if my heart wants to stop beating, even if my voice is silenced by pain, even if my eyes are clouded with tears Unfreeze me. Hold me. Save me. In you I place my trust.
Love Note #01 : Hearts
I cannot fathom the mystery of how you are working on hearts - hearts closely knitted by you, hearts made one and whole, hearts that have grown cold, hearts wounded by pain, - and how you are restoring, renewing, what is taken away by the enemy Dwelling on its present state, causes deception and confusion, for it is still a work in progress, a beautiful masterpiece yet to unfold Eyes of faith look beyond, look past, what the present heart can see and feel
Lost, Found, and Loved
The day I thought I could live without you, and hated you for allowing my setbacks, was one of the biggest mistakes of my life. I got so used to the thought until it finally, finally consumed me in ways I did not see. Dark days became darker, I was trapped in my own misery. I did not know what I was losing, that I was losing, me. I drew myself away from you, not knowing that it would also mean losing myself - your creation - to the enemy that breathed fear, worry, doubt and anger; the enemy that wanted to destroy, deceive, and cripp…
Day 65 : Family Nights
Have I mentioned that my dad is finally home already after 7 long months? It's only been two weeks since he arrived yet it feels as if he never left. I can't believe it's been 7 months since he left. It seems like he has missed out on a lot of things but thank God for emails and text messages! Now he's home, and I keep praying everyday that it's for good. Last night I gave in to my craving for stuffed crust pizza. It was a random Wednesday treat and is the best to date looking at the 'experience'. It's o…
Day 60 : Father's Day!
I'm turning 21 this September and it's exactly how many years my papa has been a seaman. There's never a complete year with him around so it's a hit and miss on important occasions like birthdays, Christmas / New Year, graduation or recognition day, father's day / mother's day. It's sad but I guess I've come to live with this setting. I'm not "used to it". I'm focusing on that vision of a complete happy family every single day in the coming years instead of crying over something I cannot change…
Day 47 : Doctor Mom
My mom brought me to the doctor today because of my worsening tonsillitis. We left the house early to pay the bills and for the 10am clinic opening. Dr. Lee has been my doctor since 1998 and the usual case is tonsillitis. I remember scenes of my childhood where mama would take me to Dr. Lee to have my throat 'fixed' and right after, we'd go get ice cream and two bottles of my favorite flavors of gatorade. Having fever was really a terrible thing for me and tonsillitis was really at its extremes whenever I had it but she always to…
Day 46 : Pain Switch : ON & OFF
When people get angry, the tendency is to shout at each other, because their hearts are becoming so distant that shouting is the subconscious means to knit them back again. At home, my heart has a switch. When turned ON, I am more loving, more caring, more compassionate and understanding. I am also happier, and at peace. This happens usually when our relationships are nurtured by our love for each other - me, my mom and my sibling. However, whenever my mom gets mad, the switch is OFF. I am hurting, in pain, angry, doubtful, losing my mind. I…
I'm a single mom who was once dead to depression but now alive in Christ. My mother named me "BEA PATRICIA", and I will spend the rest of my life living by what it means : "voyager, bringer of joy; noble", for the Lord says "I have called you by name, you are mine". It is my life's purpose to make Him known and my heart's desire to share to the world how His Wonder can be pursued in life's seasons, moments, and soulful spaces. || Walk in faith, walk in Wonder.
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