Day 46 : Pain Switch : ON & OFF

When people get angry, the tendency is to shout at each other, because their hearts are becoming so distant that shouting is the subconscious means to knit them back again.

At home, my heart has a switch. When turned ON, I am more loving, more caring, more compassionate and understanding. I am also happier, and at peace. This happens usually when our relationships are nurtured by our love for each other - me, my mom and my sibling. However, whenever my mom gets mad, the switch is OFF. I am hurting, in pain, angry, doubtful, losing my mind. It's as if my heart is breaking, and being pushed away. Then when everything gets a little better at some random part of the day, the switch gradually turned ON. This cycle never stops. Sometimes it's very tiring...

I understand that she is in her menopause stage already, and I also accept her for how she really is especially because she has been living for the past 20 years without a husband by her side for 6-8 months a year. It is really devastating to be a witness of such painful circumstance, hence the best I could do is be strong and more forgiving and understanding of her nature.

Just as how easy it is to turn my pain switch ON & OFF, I have learned to also have a switch for letting go of my anger and forgiving that easily even if don't understand what I have done wrong.

I guess this is also how love is. At some point we get tired of the pain, we get tired of living the same cycle of pain and happiness. But despite the ups and downs, the heart break and heart fill, we still choose to love, and love, and love, even if it hurts.

God does the same, even greater, for us. Even if we hurt Him, a million times, His love still overflows.