26 April 2013

Day 9 : Feverish Friday

I woke up today in heat. I could barely move my body, and my eyes are sore. My head is like a beating drum, and I feel like I'm on fire.

I hate the sick feeling...

My simple moment of bliss though was getting a taste of red velvet cupcake from Moonleaf. I just had one, but it was plain awesome! After my momentous meal, I was back to being sick.

Maybe this is all the result of two weeks in a war zone with myself, battling choices and playing with fire. :-( I wish this phase would end soon, and that I would triumph victoriously. *Sigh.

Even if I am unworthy Lord, even though I know I have made you weep, I still am praying most fervently for your guidance and assurance, that whatever path is laid out for me - whether it's SOA or BA, I may have inner peace and be resilient to the challenges ahead of me. I know you love me Lord, but please help me believe and trust you more. . . I want to love you more

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Today I've learned about the "assignments/ shift schedule", and I am so nervous and anxious :(

I would really, really want to be assigned in a regular day shift - 7am-4pm, 8am-5pm, 9-6pm. This would at least compensate my heartache for all the injustices I've seen since day 1 of recruitment. I would be willing to learn new technologies,and if God wills it, I will do my best in being a Jr Programming in SOA/COTS. :-( I just really really pray, that the regular day shift would be assigned to me. :'( I have a lot of reasons. . .

1. Family is my first priority. I would want to have more time with them, I would want to be able to share my time with them. Come June, Nathalie would be going to school already. I would not want to miss out on her daily activities when at home. Being assigned on a day shift would mean I'd have more time to spend with her and mama in the evening once I get home - story telling, dinner time, praying with them too... :'(

2. I want to be productive, and really give my best. The only way I can do so smoothly, is if I start the day right, start the day early, and wake up to the sunshine and morning-filled grace. I've experienced it in Shell, and I would love to experience the same thing here. . .

3. My body response on a midshift is terrible - waking up late, makes me feel too lazy; working in an afternoon til evening is very unproductive for me. All the more on a night shift --- I'd be worn out in no time. :'( Besides, I have worked hard in college :'((((((((( studied well, in an excellent university :'(((( don't I at least deserve normal working hours? :'((( the extra salary won't matter, because it would cost my time and productivity. Those two things are immeasurable and cannot be bought. :'(

4. I would be saving around 2-4k, on transportation because I can commute in the morning, since the sun won't drain my energy. I can also commute after work, because a lot of people are on their way home too. :-( Plus, I'd have the benefits of Vitamin D and having a healthy lifestyle. :'(

AHHHH. </3 This stage is tormenting me, and all I can really hold onto is my faith in God :'(((((( I've had it ever since I signed the contract, and I keep believing that "ALL IS WELL" :'(

At the end of the day, whatever He wills will prevail, and will happen. I jsut pray for the strength to accept whatever it will be. . . . . :'(



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The Wonder Human

To be human has its complexities and frailties. It almost feels natural to succumb to life's struggles and disarray, that we tend to forget how God has made us to be filled with wonder. . . and this blog aims to create vivid reminders of what we should never lose, what we should continually celebrate, what we should seek, in every musing, experience, milestone, chapter, and blessing. More about me HERE


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