Day 9 : Feverish Friday

I woke up today in heat. I could barely move my body, and my eyes are sore. My head is like a beating drum, and I feel like I'm on fire.

I hate the sick feeling...

My simple moment of bliss though was getting a taste of red velvet cupcake from Moonleaf. I just had one, but it was plain awesome! After my momentous meal, I was back to being sick.

Maybe this is all the result of two weeks in a war zone with myself, battling choices and playing with fire. :-( I wish this phase would end soon, and that I would triumph victoriously. *Sigh.

Even if I am unworthy Lord, even though I know I have made you weep, I still am praying most fervently for your guidance and assurance, that whatever path is laid out for me - whether it's SOA or BA, I may have inner peace and be resilient to the challenges ahead of me. I know you love me Lord, but please help me believe and trust you more. . . I want to love you more

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Today I've learned about the "assignments/ shift schedule", and I am so nervous and anxious :(

I would really, really want to be assigned in a regular day shift - 7am-4pm, 8am-5pm, 9-6pm. This would at least compensate my heartache for all the injustices I've seen since day 1 of recruitment. I would be willing to learn new technologies,and if God wills it, I will do my best in being a Jr Programming in SOA/COTS. :-( I just really really pray, that the regular day shift would be assigned to me. :'( I have a lot of reasons. . .

1. Family is my first priority. I would want to have more time with them, I would want to be able to share my time with them. Come June, Nathalie would be going to school already. I would not want to miss out on her daily activities when at home. Being assigned on a day shift would mean I'd have more time to spend with her and mama in the evening once I get home - story telling, dinner time, praying with them too... :'(

2. I want to be productive, and really give my best. The only way I can do so smoothly, is if I start the day right, start the day early, and wake up to the sunshine and morning-filled grace. I've experienced it in Shell, and I would love to experience the same thing here. . .

3. My body response on a midshift is terrible - waking up late, makes me feel too lazy; working in an afternoon til evening is very unproductive for me. All the more on a night shift --- I'd be worn out in no time. :'( Besides, I have worked hard in college :'((((((((( studied well, in an excellent university :'(((( don't I at least deserve normal working hours? :'((( the extra salary won't matter, because it would cost my time and productivity. Those two things are immeasurable and cannot be bought. :'(

4. I would be saving around 2-4k, on transportation because I can commute in the morning, since the sun won't drain my energy. I can also commute after work, because a lot of people are on their way home too. :-( Plus, I'd have the benefits of Vitamin D and having a healthy lifestyle. :'(

AHHHH. </3 This stage is tormenting me, and all I can really hold onto is my faith in God :'(((((( I've had it ever since I signed the contract, and I keep believing that "ALL IS WELL" :'(

At the end of the day, whatever He wills will prevail, and will happen. I jsut pray for the strength to accept whatever it will be. . . . . :'(



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