Day 146 : Thinking Too Loud

I must admit that there are times I've been a victim of my own thoughts. You see, there's so much power in our thoughts that it triggers emotions, emotions with an almost unbearable intensity that it propels us to act on it or say something about it. At the most, I think we become vulnerable when we do so. At least, it's how I feel. 

As much as I know that my thoughts are beautiful and lovely especially when I am at my most joyful state, my thoughts can sometimes grow into a hurricane and can be damaging like a storm. Again, the same concept follows - our thoughts affect how we feel, how we feel affects what we say or do.

Simple : when you think of the person you love - it makes you smile, right? But when he or she isn't around, there is that sense of longing, and you just know you miss him or her. It could make you feel a little sad and excited at the same time hence you tell the person "I miss you", and you just plan and/or look forward to the next date you'll have.

It's the same deck when it comes to disheartening thoughts about the past, or the future, or sometimes - the present. Worrying about the future or all possible "what if" scenarios, dwelling too much on the things we notice that make our heart sink or the things that do not meet our expectations that often leave us disappointed, over analyzing the little details that often lead to a dead end - thoughts that surface through can be so crippling and exhausting to the point that it weighs our heart down so bad  it makes us cry. I know, because I've been a lot of times. I've been there too many times.

'Let go of the things you can't control and focus on what you can". Circumstances and the people involved - these things are out of our control. But our thoughts - there is power in our thoughts. We can control them, but it's not really as easy as it sounds.

Two of my favorite versions of Proverbs 4:23 
"Be careful what you think, your thoughts run your life" NCV
 "Above all else, guard your heart, for it affects everything you do" NLT

It all makes perfect sense. It must all begin with the way we think, what we think, and how we think. After reading through my journals I noticed a pattern, and I figured that my mind is at its noisiest when idle, or when I am not focused on one particular activity of the day, or when I simply spend too much time on 'thinking' that something minuscule turns into a big murky gray cloud.

Lately I've been trying to write more, pray more,

Of course, it's almost impossible to do this alone. I repeatedly tell myself these things : "I lay it all at your feet, Lord. . . I trust you. "

All the worries, the fears, the doubts, the dragging thoughts - He is BIGGER than all of these. Perhaps, the key is trust. Trust in His timing, trust in His promises, trust in His will, trust in His love.
"Cast your worries upon the Lord and He will sustain you. 
Trust in the Lord, He knows the desires of your heart". 
Written on one of the pages of my journal : "Be still, Bea. Unfurl your fingers and let go. . . hold on to God's hands instead, and trust that He is working all things together for your good. He loves you, and He wants you to trust Him. All is well. Be joyful in expectation, and fill your heart with hope. Hope, that is the happy anticipation of good things. More so, the best things, that will all happen in His perfect time."

It's not always easy, but I know I am making progress because I am not where I used to be anymore.

I will try. I will keep trying. Until love casts out all fear.

So must you.

Hey, I'm praying for you.