Too many times I've tried to hinder myself from writing because I am too focused on starting next year. I want this to be an "official" blog, where writing is never a task or an item in my to-do list. The idea of officially starting next year is great, because there are no 'school-worries' anymore and I have all the time in the world to really enjoy life better. Oh, but what am I doing now? I just can't help it, can I? These thoughts, these emotions, these experiences, are just so hard to keep to myself. I want to remember today, I want to remember my heart's cry, I want to remember these moments where I experience God the most.
I woke up at 9:30am. It's a little late compared to the expected wake-up time but it didn't keep me from having a great day. As planned, our all-time favorite French Toast and Choffee Banana Shake is on the menu for Monday's breakfast. I wanted to have my morning time with the Lord first before anything else because getting to read my Daily Bible Reflections sent by KerygmaFamily via email (you can subscribe too! Just click the link) and simply talking to God fills me with all the strength and love I need to brighten up the day. But today, I postponed it for a while because I wanted to finish cooking first, so I could enjoy my gourmet breakfast while having some soul food at the same time.Uh-oh. No bananas to be found. I told my sister that we have no bananas, and we can't substitute anything else (why, of course! It wouldn't be Choffee Banana Shake without bananas) that's why we should postpone it for later this afternoon. We could still make French Toast, but we would be pairing it with hot chocolate instead. You see, my mom doesn't like it when we request just a single item to be bought in the market. We were taught that we must be very considerate with our house helpers, and one way to show our kindness is to have a LIST of items to be bought and not just ONE item, so they won't be going the market over two times a day. Explaining this to my sister, she still didn't take this well because of her "tampo-vibes", that's why I had to courageously tell my mom that we need to buy bananas. It was a hard yes, but nevertheless we we able to send Roxy, our house help, to the market to buy bananas.
While preparing the other ingredients and utensils to be used, a bomb exploded out of nowhere.
My mom is suddenly infuriated. . . because of the bananas?
She started ranting about us not waking up early to prepare for our food, then asking Roxy to buy JUST the bananas (I knew it!!!), then being very slow in preparing our breakfast, etc etc. I felt like breaking inside, for I knew that these things aren't enough reasons to be angry. Instead of given counter arguments to her rants, I took deep breaths and kept telling myself silently "Do Not Retaliate. Do Not Retaliate. Do Not Retaliate". I succeeded. . . but the whole raging scenario hurt me.
She told me earlier this morning the reason why her day did not start too well, that's why her sudden outburst made me understand her more. It's just really sad that my sister and I get dragged in issues we are not part of. I only ask that she would try not to make THAT thing destroy her whole day, or OUR morning time together, at least.
While finishing off the cooking and shake preparations, there were instances where I could see her expressing words and gestures of annoyance and anger for small things that shouldn't even be noticed too much like the time for having breakfast (what's wrong with 10:30? If it's not breakfast, then it's brunch!). I really wanted to tell her straight that she should stop wasting her energy being angry about these things. I know I am right, but it would be wrong to tell her my feelings in tones of anger too, because it would only make things worst. You cannot use anger to drive out anger.
I composed myself, and kindly told her what I felt but she always had counter attacks. Instead of going for a tempting counter attack, I still prepared her food with love, hoping that it would take away her anger and strangled pain. I asked her to join us for breakfast, but she still angrily refused. I wrote a small note that says, "I Love You. Please Smile :) Please choose to be happy instead of dwelling on the things that make you angry. You have us." After leaving it on the side of her plate, whewww! I SURRENDERED with a smile.
I had half of my breakfast with my sister, and half of it with God. And what He wants to tell me today is very, very timely.
Instead be kind and tender-hearted to one another, and forgive one another as God has forgiven you through Christ. – Ephesians 4:32
Let us grab the opportunity to show love and not anger, compassion not distrust, kindness not harshness.While I'm Waiting by John Waller was my background music while eating my last slice of French toast and praying, and towards the end my tears just flowed immensely. I told myself, I will not give up on her, I will not give up on this family and through God's grace, I will be the difference, and make all things new in our family. I told myself, I cook really well and my choffee banana shake is really good but how come this piece of ingredient, the innocent banana, be the cause of such outrage? It became clear to me, that it isn't really what caused the argument. In fact, it's God's way of drawing me closer to Him, regaining strength from Him, and holding on to His promises. I cried a bucketful of tears, but in my pain He has given me a bucketful of love!
While I'm Waiting, I will serve you. Though it is painful, patiently, I will Wait :')
