25 May 2014

The Things We Fear About Love

I'd like to think that there two types of fears : the fear of something that might happen to us for the first time and the fear of something happening on repeat.

The first is quite triggered by our peers, media, the things we see around us, like having this fear of snakes because of Anaconda or the thought of being paralyzed to death; or this fear of cliff diving because of "Final Destination" scenarios that could possibly happen like hitting a rock or landing the wrong way. When it comes to love, what are the usual things we fear most? Maybe it's not really "falling in love", or "loving someone genuinely". It's what comes along. It's about the aftermath.

Unrequited love, or falling in love with a best friend.
Not being loved the same way, or at least how we think we deserve to be loved.
Waiting for something you know is uncertain or might never be yours, but you still wait anyway.
Being played, or being the trophy of a loser's bet.
Being the one left behind, or losing the one you love.
Being replaced, or not being enough for him/her to stay.
Being cheated on, or being the second choice when you should be the only choice.

The second type of fear is triggered by the first, that surfaced into reality, like riding on a bicycle because the last time you did, you fell and scraped your knee really badly; or taking a cab because you were once almost kidnapped and raped; or trusting a friend again once you've been horribly betrayed. When it comes to love, once we've experienced those that I mentioned above, we develop this fear of it happening the second time around.

We build walls so high, so thick, to be on guard, because we fear the pain that almost destroyed us once, or twice.

We fear that it might happen again, and we won't know how much we can bare. We aren't ready for round two, we aren't ready to put in the same amount of effort and time, we aren't ready to share ourselves wholly, we aren't ready to love without holding back. It will take time, it will take self recreation and restoration. That's why I think that, when we know we aren't fully ready to take that leap of faith - we shouldn't force it, because we might end up having a different kind of heartbreak, or we might break a faithful heart.

When we love, we become vulnerable. When we love, we are defenseless to the things that could hurt us. When we love, we aren't invincible. When we love, the things we fear often trickle away into dust, at the back of our minds. When we love, we are ready to risk it all. When we love, we become weak and strong at the same time. When we love, we're ready to share ourselves whole - unblemished and unscathed by the past.

I fear a lot of things. I fear the same things happening all over again. But someday, I will be fearless. Someday, I'll be completely grounded in Christ that will make me certain, that will make me know that I AM READY. And when I am, oh... I can't even imagine how glorious it would be to be loved, and love irrevocably :')

And I just think it would be great to truly know love first, to be able to share it completely. 
It's what I'm doing now, and I pray I keep growing. 
To know Christ, is to know love. 
God is love. Love is God. 
In His time, love will find me... 
'he' will find me. :) 


The Wonder Human

To be human has its complexities and frailties. It almost feels natural to succumb to life's struggles and disarray, that we tend to forget how God has made us to be filled with wonder. . . and this blog aims to create vivid reminders of what we should never lose, what we should continually celebrate, what we should seek, in every musing, experience, milestone, chapter, and blessing. More about me HERE


Psalms 139:14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

Job 5:9 He performs wonders that cannot be fathomed, miracles that cannot be counted.

Psalm 71:17 Since my youth, God, you have taught me, and to this day I declare your marvelous deeds.

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