Day 54 : How Am I?

It feels like Tuesday, but it's actually just the 'real' first day of work week. Last night was too toxic for me - the weather, the environment, the working time, my physical state - and these things mixed all together, voila! Puffy and runny nose, horses on a race in my head, barely opened eyes, and feverish from head to foot.

I badly want to cry. I badly want to bang my head and bounce my way lying flat on the bed.

Let's talk about work. . . I am not happy. It feels like I am losing myself gradually. This is not me.

Looking at where I am now, I honestly can't visualize what will become of me in the next few months, or perhaps in a year. I have this fear that I might miss out on opportunities to excel and be the real me. Maybe every task is a chance to work my way up but, I'm talking about long-term goals and long-term development. *sigh.

Everything else but my career life is going great. I guess there isn't such a thing as perfect.

Sometimes I wonder why God I was chosen to be here. Perhaps this is all just a test to prove my character, to strengthen my character, to mold and prepare me for the best version of my dreams. I am scared, at the moment, because the future seems too blurred. But then, at the end of the day, all I can really hold on to, is faith. Faith in believing that all things are possible. Faith in trusting that God knows what He is doing. Faith in being patient and enduring. Faith in knowing that God loves me, and He will never, ever forsake me. . .