Moments of Wonder (Slow Dancing Past Midnight)

There are only three things I regret before I turned 30 : 

1. Not writing enough
2. Not taking enough photos / videos, and 
3. Not seeking and obeying the Lord soon enough 

While there is redemptive hope for #3 because of His promise in Romans 8:28 "He works all things for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose", there are times my heart still aches for moments I wish I could still relive - even in fragments, had I chosen to write more, or capture moments as they happen. But November is the perfect time to say NO to the NOT's, that's why I'm heeding this prompt to give permanence to sweet moments of wonder, at least in this space I'm blessed to call my own. 

My Sunshine by
  Clare Elsaesser 

11.12.22 | Slow Dancing Past Midnight 

Settled and ready to sleep, my little boy suddenly said, "Mama will you dance with me?" and without hesitation, I immediately gave a hearty "YES OF COURSE my love". I stood by the bedside while he postured himself on the bed, with just the perfect stance to be taller than me. As our favorite worship song started to play, he was all giggly and jumpy while anticipating the turns and spins I would do until he secures me in his arms. And then somewhere in the middle, we wonderfully gazed at each other (sometimes a little longer), before I rested my head on his chest. 

The palm of his small hands cupped my face, and right after we exchanged "I love you's" I cried (oh I always do) but last night, my tears were coming from a place of peace, knowing that we're finally in the season of joy in summer, after long years of painful winters. My tears were bittersweet because my son now easily remembers turning cues and sways, but I was comforted by the thought of just knowing that my senses would always remember everything in this moment : 

- the powdery scent of my little boy's disheveled hair and the folds of his neck; 
his infectious echoing laughter and the innocence of his high pitched voice;  
his warm, sweaty hands and his full-lipped kisses; 
and the engulfing gaze of his bright almond eyes that put
me in a state of wonder I sorely want to freeze. 

There are other moments in a day like this too, especially before afternoon naps or sunny mornings we wake up to. But of all familiar and similar moments, slow dancing past midnight will always be my favorite because it's just me, my son, and Jesus. 

It's just me, my son, and Jesus - as it has always been from the beginning. 

In my son's newborn and toddler phase, Jesus carried us and danced with us through and through - cold dusky mornings to eerie 2AMs while breastfeeding and physically struggling with my darkest thoughts and lonesome tears - it was just me, my son, and Jesus. 

It's just me, my son and Jesus - as it is in every moment of wonder, day by day. 
Last night, we were sweetly wrapped by His blanket of love, peace and joy that my spirit, mind, heart, and body felt it so much that my tears kept flowing! He is enough, more than enough, always enough... Jehovah Jireh, my Maker, my husband - 
For your Maker is your husband, The LORD of hosts is His name; And your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel; He is called the God of the whole earth. [ Isaiah 54:5 ]   
- He who is my son's Heavenly Father too. And in and through Him, we will always have more than enough. We will always be enough. 

Now that I'm a few months past turning 30, there are three things I won't ever regret : 
1. Writing passionately with ALL of me,  
2. Taking my time to bask in & capture ALL moments of wonder, and 
3. Trusting and loving Him with ALL my heart, mind, soul and strength 


PS : It didn't even take a full hour for me to nurture the Lord's seed of love planted in my son's heart. Surely, to children, love is spelled as TIME. Oh I really pray one day, by God's grace - my son would say that I am a tangible expression of the Lord's love to him, that's why it would be easier for him to also love and follow Jesus. 

PS2 : Locked in those minutes of bliss with my son, I am reminded of how His hand of favor & delight is very much felt and experienced through these moments of wonder. Sometimes they are found only when we seek them, but oftentimes we don't realize that the key to all these has always been our YESThat's why for as long as I live, for as long as I can, I will always say yes to one more game, one more moment, one more meal, one more kiss, one more embrace, and one more dance.

What are you saying YES to, today? 

I pray that in every YES you make, you would experience moments of wonder with the Lord and the people you love. I pray you always choose to say YES to His abiding and pursuing Love. 

pursuingWonder with you, 
Bea Patricia