How many times have you rejected or delayed what God has been asking you to do?
As for me, there's always that excuse of how my everyday work just drains my creative sense and positive energy (ie imagine dealing with irate calls or frustrated emails from clients everyday). The thing is - it wasn't always like this! I remember having the vibrant passion of my youth and as a young professional who truly, truly loved her job! Lunch and dinner events in one day? YES! Flight early morning then an event at night? LOVE IT! Whole day training for sales and then joining client meetings with them the next day? SURELY!
What happened? The best and the worst of 2017 happened (Work wise - the culmination of my career, that was followed by a painful conversation months after that made me question my worth not just as an employee but as a person). Then the ultimate rock bottom of 2019, and the relapse this year. While that's all in the past now, God's hand surely was evident in those years and surfaced in the moments of writing and blogging. He kept the fire burning (haaaay nako Lord, surely the awful painful seasons made me write more!)
I was called three times by God, and I'm only realizing it now! Okay, significant number right there, again! Jesus resurrected on the 3rd day, Esther made her official request for the king to spare her and her people's lives on the 3rd request, and this is also my 3rd speaking engagement with MamacademyPH (that's also apart from work).
1.)
The call to go beyond - I was just a few months post partum at that time when I found (my now sister in Christ and friend) Kaye Ang of
MAMACADEMY PH in 2018.
"Purpose-filled" motherhood - that was her advocacy, and it resonated with me so much because I was honestly feeling lost, perplexed and just overwhelmed with all the new and challenging things of being a working mom! To my surprise, she invited me to hold a blogging workshop and that a sweet call from the Lord that I don't have to limit myself to presenting in corporate events and workshops. He was telling me that I can GO BEYOND WORK.
2) The call to respond (and adapt) - 2019 post depression confinement, I was being swept away by work and all the mental strain caused by unfavorable seasons. Guess who invited me again? Kaye. Clearly it was His way again, through her, of reminding me that no matter what season I am in, I can still RESPOND TO HIS CALLING. It was in April 2020, the height of community quarantine where the workshop now had to be VIRTUAL! Talk about having a first time for everything. Whew, the challenge of not getting to really interact with your audience or do written activities and synthesize together!
3) The call of affirmation start my mission - The first and second was through a blogging workshop I conducted, but the third is a tremendous surprise AND AFFIRMATION of my passion to teach with His purpose at the center of it all! what an amazing God we have right?? we just have to obey and say yes! Third time's the charm indeed! And it's definitely NOT a coincidence that it's all happening just a few weeks after october 7, the day I fell in love with the Lord all over again (for the third time also!).
Behind the scenes . . .
The thing is - I've been HOLDING BACK creating content for years now. Even more so the past weeks where I just didn't know where or how to start! Do I rebrand my youtube channel? Do I revamp and revive my
facebook page? What's the format? What video editing app do I use? I love to doodle, but can't do it digitally. I'm okay with canva, but it's just too much effort! I have my journals and notebooks, do I just merely take photos and post them? These
delays surely were rooted in FEAR.
Fear of failing. Fear of not being consistent about it. Fear of changing my mind in between therefore ruining the original branding I have in mind. Fear of not doing it right. Fear of not being able to fully justify His works. Fear of being criticized by better and more knowledgeable teachers. Fear of not living up to what I'll be teaching/sharing. Fear of so many things!
But perfect love casts out all fear 1 John 4:18. You see, in all those moments I kept pushing back tasks related to creating content about Him, I always felt the weight of GUILT, and that bothersome heaviness in my heart to the point that no matter how many items I ticked off in my "to do list" for the day, it just had no end!! The nudge though is that there had been so many (unexpected) deaths lately even within the family that there were hard-pressed moments where I asked - "did they get to know Christ and His love? Have they accepted Jesus as their Lord and Savior? What would God say about me hiding behind my laptop when in fact, I have sooooooo many stories of His love, His grace, His mercy, His miracles?? What is I suddenly die? What have I done in this world for Him? Was His purpose in my life fulfilled? Will He say "well done, my good and faithful servant" (Mt 25:23) and this was when I really started to fear the Lord and His response.
What He gives, He surely can take away. Remember the 3T's taught in gradeschool? TIME. TALENT. TREASURE. All our days are numbered and our time on earth is short, and tomorrow is never guaranteed.. What about our talent? Ah, they rust over time when not used or practiced. Moreso our treasures (like our loved ones) when we take them for granted! I became scared He might be displeased with me. After all, He gave me everything I have, and everything I know and have come to excel with over the years is all FOR HIS GLORY.
AND SO I SAID YES. the easiest YES, to KAYE. Again.
She invited me to do last Monday's online devotional, under the series : Women of the Bible. Fear whispered "you don't know how to do it! why would people listen to someone who hasn't even read the entire Bible?" but it surely was God telling me, Daughter, enough delays. I'm giving you this now, without even asking for it. SO GO....
AND I DID, with all my heart.
Here's to the first of many, and nothing could be more sweeter than having my first with Mamacademy!
ESTHER | WOMEN OF THE BIBLE
Here's my first online devotional you guyssss! weeeeeeee my heart is soooooooo happy!!!! All Glory to God!!! :')
I hope this blesses you even more than how it blessed me while preparing for it. Oh by the way, go take our your bibles and highlightersss, and your journal too! It'll be fun <3
Have a wonder-filled devo-time!!
PS : What do you think about a free one page devotional guide? Let me know via comments / via instagram message <3
Praying for you! Love & wonder dust for the week!
