#159 : Time and Commitment


The countless drafts I've made haunt me in two different ways -

I lost a part of me somewhere in between because I did not write about a moment, my thoughts, and the melody in my heart. Writing has always brought about everything that's true about me, writing makes me feel alive through the gravity of pain or joy that drives me to to do so.  Writing is my way of remembering. . . remembering who I really am - the depths of my heart and the whirlwind of thoughts, who I want to be and how I'm getting there - at times life makes me forget.

I lost myself to a moment, my thoughts, and the melody in my heart that writing about it won't be enough. Yet I wish I could have, because that would evidently take me back that place, that time, that very moment. . . but it rather seemed incomplete, and lacking depth in words to fulfill that journey. Time just continues to pass by every waking day, but I've always believed that writing gives me that power to time travel - back, and to the future - with my passion for unraveling the depths of my heart.

Perhaps it's the time constraint, I must admit that. But I think there's something more. . . I've always written about the happiest, and most painful; the highs and lows; the cold and warmth. There's no in-between's for me, no lukewarm, no limbo, no flatness, no settling.

Perhaps you'd tell me - just write, regardless of the scale, because writing is better than not writing at all. Yes, I agree, but that makes my writing devoid of myself and that contradicts why I write in the first place. Well I think I should also learn to find joy in the 'valley', because in that way I might just complete the process. . . . . . .

Perhaps I also have to refocus, realign my priorities, and live for what brings me to life - love. Go back to Him who is love, and in turn rediscover the many ways I am loved, by Him, my family, and the people He blesses me with.

Time. My heart. Love.

Today I am committing myself to one of the things I love doing the most - WRITING. After all, you can't love something and not make time for it; you can't love something and not commit to it. 

Regardless of how cluttered or busy - I WILL WRITE. And I'm sure it won't matter how short, how long, how vague for the lack of delving deeper into it. I WILL WRITE.

I WILL KEEP WRITING.

... for myself, my future self, and my future children -
because I don't want to lose a part of me, or lose myself in where life takes me.

This is my totem, this is my key to time travel, this is my key to my own heart, this is my key to recreating and rediscovering myself.

Most of all - this is also one of the many ways I talk to Him, who has given me this prowess to create and speak life, and reveal His heart in His ways of blessing me.

If again, I seem to have forgotten, please help me remember?
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