Day 137 : Breaking Strongholds

Painting by Meghan Howland
I tried. I really did.
I tried to bloom where I was planted.
But I failed.
How can you bloom in rocky ground in the first place?! 
I sunk myself deep in that pool of failure for too long. 

I made attempts to swim up, God knows I made several attempts...but the weight was too heavy. 

Until everything started to pile up. I must admit it was a mistake to have let it drain every ounce of motivation I had. That's the thing - soon, I realized there was little to none. 

Sure, someone out there would be thankful to be in my place, or would even trade everything to be in my place. I know. I know. Of course I am thankful. But the weight of it all is nothing but a book cover, a surface, an external layer, to spectators. Can you ever buy back time?

People could say, "you should have done something about it"; "you can do better"; "you didn't make the most out of it, if there's a will there's a way". 

I tell you, it's not as easy as it sounds. 

Try building up your life on something, try being persuaded by that vision of something truly awesome, be extremely excited - hot, fiery with passion- ready to sweat, ready to bleed... only to find out how damaging the circle you just got yourself into. How purposely defeated you've been, because at some point you'd keep questioning why you said yes when you could have closed that door and waited for something better. 

Oh and add the phase where life beats you up with things you thought you could handle, that actually tears you apart. Not just once, but twice. All the chaos and the drama combined. 

Also add how heart breaking it is to see the should have's you were once extremely passionate to achieve, and how the people you love are also dragged by this reality you are in. . . because they care, and love you too much, and have invested TOO MUCH, on you, to see you in a phase that is draining the life out of you. 

I don't know if this is all making sense, I just had to let it all out though it appears to be blatantly vague. 

All I know now is that time is never wasted, and that God can turn things around. Our God is a God of endless possibilities and chances. Nothing is ever too late, or too early, with God. His timing is always perfect. 

Now I have to keep running race, before it ends. The world own't see how you started, or even the things you did in between. The world looks at how you finish. As sad as it seems, do 7 good things; people will judge and remember you for the 3 wrongs things you've done towards the end. 

Nevertheless, there is still hope. Hope. Is all we have anyway. 
and faith, that things will get better. 
In God's time.